Fearlessness and Great Strength

“There is no fear in love; instead perfect love drives out all fear.” (1 John 4:18)

I am always drawn to a story of great courage.  There is something about a story of bravery that inspires us to a higher standard of strength.  Fear can paralyze us, make us freeze up, and drive us to do some crazy things to cover up our insecurities.  Adam and Eve became ruled by their insecurities after the fall, “They knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and…hid themselves from the Lord God,” (Genesis 3:7-8).  Their insecurities passed on to their children in Genesis 4:8, when their son Cain murders his brother Abel.  When God asks Abel where his brother Cain is, Abel responds, “I don’t know,” (Genesis 4:9). 

Similar to Abel, when I misbehaved as a child- I would straight up lie. My automatic go-to response, no matter how guilty I was would always be, “It wasn't me." I'd have one hand in the cookie jar and chocolate covering my face- but I wouldn't even wait for my mom to ask what happened. As soon as I would see her I would immediately say, "It wasn't me." I didn't want to get in trouble, so I hid. We tend to hide the parts of ourselves that we don’t want others to see, and we tend to hide from the things we don’t want to see ourselves.  If hiding means we are fearful, then living fearlessly must mean stepping out even if we are afraid our hearts will get crushed.

That’s why I love John’s words, “Perfect love drives out all fear.”  I believe that John was a man of great courage, and knew why perfect love drives out all fear.  I think that what makes John a man of such bravery was his bold decision not to hide when Christ hung on the cross.  John was the only disciple who remained at the cross while Jesus suffered and died.  When everyone else bailed, John stayed. 

He watched as the flesh was ripped from Jesus’ body. John heard the dropping of the hammer as it pounded the nails; the piercing sound of steel on steel.  John watched the blood flow down the cross and cover the ground.  He watched as soldiers gambled on the robe of Jesus, the very robe which the bleeding woman had crawled through the crowds to touch the hem of.  Despite the horror, John stayed in faith. He didn't run away when things got painful. Although he was the youngest disciple and could have done the “safe thing”.  Instead, he stayed by the side of Jesus which he had rested up against at the Last Supper, “One of His disciples, the one Jesus loved (John), was reclining against Jesus,” {John 13:23 (HCSB)}. John writes about love so much because he witnessed so much perfect love first hand.

John understood the weight of the command of Jesus, “If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me,” (Luke 9:23).  It seems almost strange that the baby of the group would stay and watch the crucifixion when neither his own big brother (James), nor Simon Peter stayed.  John didn't stay on the peripheral of the scene either, hiding like a wallflower.  He was close enough to the cross that he could hear the Lord speak:

“When Jesus saw His mother and the disciple He loved standing there (as near as they could get), He said to His mother, ‘Woman, here is your son.’ Then He said to the disciple, “Here is your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.” (John 19:26-27)

Jesus picks the baby (the “younger brother”) to entrust with the care of his mother Mary.  I can’t help but wonder if in this moment that John must have rationalized that as this adoption was spoken by the great, “I AM”- that if he was now the son of Mary, then he was also the brother of Jesus.  “A real friend sticks closer than a brother,” {(Proverbs 18:24 (NLT)}. 

John is teaching us that real courage means walking forward in faith- regardless of the outcome. Our courage builds when we stand on God’s promises- instead of relying on what we think we can or can’t do. God’s main purpose for us is not what we do- it is who we become as we grow to reflect His character more and more.  The definition of “bold” means “to dare to do, or to bear, something terrible or difficult.”  The definition of “confidence” (“hupostasis”) means “a standing under, a foundation, a quality of confidence which leads one to stand under, endure, or undertake anything.”  Do we have faith that we can undertake anything, and remain confident in Christ even when we, as Isaiah Austin says, “Air ball like crazy”? 

What looks like unmistakable loss doesn't seem to be a victory, but neither did Jesus’ walk to the cross.  Nothing fires me up to kick in the gates of hell quite like the mental image of Jesus buckling into the dirt beneath the weight of the cross he was carrying for me. “God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God has chosen what is insignificant and despised in the world—what is viewed as nothing—to bring to nothing what is viewed as something,” {(1 Corinthians 1:27-28 (HCSB)}.  Christ seemed weak to his enemies as he hung on the cross in what appeared to be defeat.  The greatest courage in all history belongs to Jesus. 

Christ’s love reminds us of the foolishness of confidence apart from him. Even if we have the faith we are supposed to have every single day, Jesus would still have to save us from our own pride. Without fail, you will miss what you are aiming for the second you take your eyes off your target. We will only reach our mark when we stay in tune with our goal, and in order to hit the target we have to stop fearfully fixating on what is coming against us. My dear friend Becca is running the Ironman Texas race this weekend- I told her that I was praying for her to have great strength and asked if she felt ready.  Her response was, “Yes, I have to trust the training.” How different are we? We have to trust God’s training of our hearts. We can quit covering ourselves up with fig leaves because we can rest assured that we are covered by Jesus’ blood.  John will go on to say in Revelation 1:5b, “To Him who loves us and has set us free from our sins by His blood.”

What is God’s love worth to us? I think the answer may lie in the amount of value we have for Christ’s blood.  The more worthy His blood is to us, the more we display its worth by the way we live our lives.  We can give great grace- because we have received great grace.  We can love ferociously- because we are loved ferociously.  My favorite theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer preached, “The boundless love of God toward us should be reflected in the manner by which we love one another- without reservation.” How amazing is that? God’s love moves toward us.

It takes awesome courage to allow ourselves to love extravagantly without knowing the end result.  A gentle and quiet heart is necessary if we are to remain open to an undetermined outcome- even if we get crushed.  Nothing has inspired me to move towards others in love as much as the quiet courage of the orphaned children I met in Kenya.  Almost everyone told me I was crazy when I first started sharing that I wanted to go to Africa last year.  They would give me hundreds of reasons why it was a bad idea- how dangerous it was, how unsafe it is, etc.- and all I could hear was the cries of hundreds of fatherless children who needed hope. 

As it turned out, the very children I went to move my love towards were what provided the greatest protection once I got there.  I was greatly humbled the afternoon that I walked a group of young girls through the slums towards their "sports" field.  There were two other missionaries with me, a married couple- Megan and Adam.  We formed a train, with me out front, Megan in the middle, and Adam in the back because he was the muscles of the operation and to make sure we didn't lose anybody. But trying to keep a bunch of girls between the ages of 5 and 13 together is like herding cats- they are all over the place! To make matters worse, I HAD NO IDEA WHERE WE WERE GOING. I was supposed to be remembering the directions Mama Mary gave me and making sure we got there, and at the same time- felt like the front line to any potential confrontation we encountered.  The hair on the back of my neck was standing straight up as we made our way through tiny, trash lined gutters with the girls.  We saw what I can only describe as absolute darkness.  We walked past four year-olds mothering two year-olds. We walked past people fishing for their dinner out of the trash on the ground. We saw a lot of bare feet, and a lot of cardboard box built homes.  As I went to take a big step over what I thought was a pile of broken fence, one of the smallest girls put her hand out to stop me, “No Maddy (they say my name “Maw-dee”),” and she pointed down to warn me, “Live wire.” I scooped her up in my arms and carried her the rest of the way. The little girl that I was supposed to be protecting ended up protecting me.  "He called you out of darkness and into his marvelous light,"(1 Peter 2:9).

How much we value Christ’s redemption of our sins is a direct product (fruit) of how we reflect His love selflessly towards those around us who are most undeserving.  As we move towards instead of shrinking back, we will see our love catch like fire as it lights up the darkness.  Let us move toward one another in love, with confidence that Jesus’ suffering was enough for us and that His love extravagantly satisfies us.  Let our lives show each other that we are sold out for the one who sold everything for us.  Let the one whose love was strong make our love strong for Him.

“I will save you, and you will be a blessing. Don't be afraid; let your hands be strong.” (Zechariah 8:13b)

♥ In His Love,

Mad

P.S: I wanted to take a chance to update you on the status of the fundraising for my trip. I was definitely somewhat nervous this year when I signed up for the trip, the amount I needed was much bigger than what I needed last year.  It turns out that my precious friends and family had courage for me when I didn't because God provided the full amount in NINE DAYS! I am still blown away by the your extravagant love. I cannot put into words how awesomely humbled and extremely grateful I am for your support. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so excited you get to share in this journey and be a part of my trip too. I love you all so much!

I also wanted to let you know about my beautiful friend Megan who is fundraising for her mission trip to love on the fatherless in East China this summer! I had the chance to take some pictures of her last week, and several of you have asked if encourage you to donate to her trip. She has $1,900 left to raise, the link to donate is: <Megan's Donation Link>

The Perfect Love Story: Randy & Dorrial's Engagment

I am overjoyed that these two sweet, dear friends of mine are getting married! They have extraordinary hearts and are the most beautiful couple- on the inside and out.  Both Randy and Dorrial have tirelessly supported my love for Kenya. They have written me encouraging letters to take on my trip, prayed for me, helped me raise support, and have always been the encouragement I need to keep going- even when things are really hard. I know that these two are going to be such a shining light of God's love to other people.  They are beyond adorable. Randy and Dorrial, I am so happy for both of you, and I can't wait to see how God continues to use you to do His great work! 

♥ In His Love,

Mad

"Love is patient, love is kind.  Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Why Suffering Makes Us Beautiful

What is endurance? Is it determined self-will? Is it a disciplined attitude, a high threshold for pain, or just a forced result when we can't change our circumstances?

In Romans 5:3-4, Paul tells us that we are to, “Rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” 

Suffering surfaces in different ways throughout our lives- the death of a loved one, losing a job, overwhelming stress, financial problems, sickness, heart break, depression, tragedy, natural disaster, violence, uncured illness, divorce...the list is endless.  And when we are profoundly suffering, it feels like we are trapped in a deep pit of despair.  There is no way out but up, and we usually don’t even have a toothpick to start climbing our way out with.  In these profound moments, we want to doubt God is present or near to us.  It is hard to believe that He sees our pain, or that He has compassion for us.  However, we can rest with quiet hearts, knowing that our suffering is never invisible to the One who, “Works all things together for the good of those who love Him,” (Romans 8:28). We may be suffering in absolute misery, but God hasn’t left us because GOD DOESN’T RETREAT BEFORE ANYTHING.

God doesn’t give up. He doesn’t make mistakes. You can’t surprise him with your sin.  He will never need reinforcements.  He is not going to require a plan B.  He is all powerful and sovereign over all things.  He sees your deepest flaws and he is ferociously committed to loving you at the same time.  He isn’t holding out for a better version of you- you 2.0.  He doesn’t need you to take six months to “really get yourself together” so he can tolerate and put up with you. He is KING OF ALL THINGS RIGHT NOW AND HE NEVER QUITS- “A lion doesn’t retreat before anything,” (Proverbs 30:30).   

Extreme suffering can lead us to feel extreme things- extreme hurt, extreme pain, extreme confusion.  When our emotions and circumstances are overwhelming us, it can be almost impossible to keep our eyes on God.  We question everything, especially ourselves.  In the hardest of times I have asked myself: “Am I really God’s child? I must have done something bad to deserve this. How did I lose favor with God? Is there some sin that I never confessed to, or asked forgiveness for?”

In Luke 13:10-17, Jesus healed a woman who had suffered extremely for eighteen years. A "crooked woman”- a woman who knew a whole more lot about suffering than me.  The "crooked woman” was called "crooked" because she was demon-possessed, and her entire body was “bent over double and she could not straighten up at all.”  Her back was broken completely in half and her spine was permanently fused into its broken position.  She was “bowed together.”  The crooked woman was broken beyond repair.  She had felt invisible and unacknowledged in her pain for almost two decades, and was of little worth when measured by the world’s standards.  She was constantly tormented by the demon spirits which possessed her- she had no cure, no value, no hope.

Our hope tends to be defined by what we know or what we believe is actually possible.  We like to set our expectations where they appear realistic because it makes our lives feel less disappointing.  We don’t want to feel let down when we miss out on something we wanted.  For the crooked woman, she wanted relief and healing but there was no medicine powerful enough to help her.  We have to remember that God is working best when we see nothing but darkness. His strength is perfected in our weaknesses. “We suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him,” (Romans 8:16).

The crooked woman lived in weakness and darkness.  Her perspective was limited to the dirt at her feet. She could not lift her head up, and was incapable of looking anyone in the eye.  But, Luke says that, “Jesus saw her,” (Luke 13:12 {NLT}).  There is something powerful about being seen.  There is something valuable about being looked in the eye.  When someone doesn't acknowledge you, you feel invisible.  The crooked woman was not invisible to Jesus.  She doesn’t approach him and ask him for healing either.  The word “see” when used here meant that Jesus saw her physically with his eyesight, and that he was also made aware of and could see her pain and suffering.  Jesus saw her- and he didn't retreat. He wasn't afraid of her eighteen year old demon.  He wasn't worried he couldn't handle her issues or her past. He saw her- and he didn’t run the other direction.

He calls out to her, “Dear woman,” (Luke 13:12 {NLT}). He calls her “dear” before he addresses her as “woman.”  First, He calls her “dear” because this is her true identity by his standard- his cherished, precious daughter.  She is very dear to Him, even if she isn’t dear to anyone else.  Jesus identifies her secondly as it relates to her identity within the synagogue and her community.  He calls her “woman”- clearly distinguishing she was female and therefore not allowed to be healed on the Sabbath according to Jewish law.  We are limited, but God is limitless.

Jesus doesn't hesitate to immediately heal her and straighten out her brokenness. “Woman, you are free of your disability,” (Luke 13:12 {HCSB)}.  He bent down to her level, laid His hands on her shoulders, and restored her instantly.  “You stand by faith,” (2 Corinthians 1:24).  He tilted her face up to his and STOOD HER UP STRAIGHT for the first time in nearly two decades.  “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed,” {Hebrews 12:12-13 (ESV)}.

Although he has healed her physically, Jesus isn't done restoring the crooked woman yet.  He wants total freedom for her.  He is going to straighten out any remaining brokenness inside of her.  Any remnants of the evil one or his damage- Jesus is going to wipe them away.  At this point in the story- the leaders of the synagogue are more than just a little ticked off.  Jesus has insulted them, it was a clear violation of Levitical law for work (healing) to be done on the Sabbath. {Isn’t that just like satan- to have someone question how deserving you are of any good thing God could bless you with?}

Jesus rebukes them and tells them that if a donkey (livestock) can be healed on the Sabbath, then surely a daughter of Abraham must be allowed healing too.  This is the total restoration, “This dear woman, a daughter of Abraham, has been held in bondage by Satan for eighteen years. Isn’t it right that she be released, even on the Sabbath?” {(Luke 13:16 (NLT)}.  Jesus calls her a “Daughter of Abraham,” The word “daughter” that is used here is defined in the Greek as meaning, “acceptable to God, rejoicing in God’s peculiar care and protection.”  He takes particular care to assure the formerly crooked woman of her inherent worth and value- she is dear and precious- no matter what anyone else says.  No matter who ignores her or won’t look her in the eye- she is still seen. She matters. She is included in His family. She will not be discarded or counted as worthless. She is His. “The crooked shall become straight, and the rough places shall become level ways,” (Luke 3:5)

This story is very touching for me personally, because my heart has walked through some suffering and I have felt some extreme confusion amidst difficult circumstances.  In a season of life that consisted of suffering, God felt very far away from me.  I felt so lost and just wanted to give in and believe I was too crooked to be loved by Him.  No matter how I prayed, or what I did I could not seem to re-create the comfort of His presence that had made me feel safe for so long.  It felt like the enemy was winning and it made me question my identity in Christ at its very foundation.  At the lowest point, I sat on the floor next to my bed in a crumpled ball and the only prayer I could get out was one word, "Jesus."  As I wrestled with my pain, the Holy Spirit was praying the words that I wasn't able to.  "In the same way the Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings." {Romans 8:26 (HCSB)}.

A few days later as I sat in my quiet time (which had become a lot more like silence), and I heard Him whisper these words to my heart, "I am here with you. I never left you. I was with you the whole time. I caught every single one of your tears, I heard every one your painful sobs. You are my beloved, precious daughter.  You have always and you will always be mine. No sin, no sickness, no circumstance, no mistake can separate you from my love.  You couldn't feel me because I had you wrapped up in my arms so tightly. You couldn't see me because I had you pressed against me so closely. I am ferociously committed to loving you, and to making you feel secure in my love. Remember who you are through me. You will never be worthless to me."

We are made in Christ’s image- we don’t retreat before anything. We know that “all things work together for our good” doesn’t necessarily mean for our good/happiness on Earth. Our good is Him bringing us into his likeness, making us more lovely as we become more and more like him. He is refining us and healing us through fire- are we going to let our fires sanctify us or scar us?  The fires- the suffering- are what is making us more beautiful. The deepest suffering releases the strongest power, which then produces the greatest joy.  “For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory,” (2 Corinthians 4:17) Suffering leads to beauty. “He will give a crown of beauty for ashes,” (Isaiah 61:3 {NLT}).  “Now in this hope we were saved, yet hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with patience,” (Romans 18:24-25).

Elisabeth Elliot wrote, “Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature altogether. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own Son. The cross was the proof of His love – that He gave that Son, that He let Him go to Calvary’s cross, though “legions of angels” might have rescued Him. He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

Satan's lies tell me that I am weak, that I am crooked, and I am bent- and that nobody will see me. If I let the enemy bend my confidence and make my endurance crooked, I will lose some of my strength…and I want to be anything but weak in my love for Jesus.  “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit,” {2 Corinthians 4:8 (NLT)}. 

We can walk forward with hope and with eyes of faith.  We keep our eyes on Him so we can set our hearts on HIM- the ultimate prize.  We remember we have a God who sees us, intimately knows us, has already healed us, and wants us to rest in His everlasting arms (Deuteronomy 33:27).

♥ In His Love,

Mad

Speaking of beauty, I was given the honor of taking pictures of one of the most beautiful women I know- one of my very best friends Allyson. She is going to Kenya with me this summer, and we couldn't be more excited! She is so beautiful, inside and out. I cannot wait to see the amazing things God has planned for her life! 

Love For Africa

Yesterday someone asked me what I thought heaven would be like. I laughed and told them that I didn't know exactly what it would be like, but I knew that if heaven was the most beautiful place you could ever be, where you are surrounded by love and only feel joy- that there was only one place I had experienced like that so far on earth.

I closed my eyes and I can hear the beautiful sound of hundreds of little children laughing and singing together. I can see their shining eyes and bright smiles. I can feel their inexhaustible hope, dancing in the air like electricity. Their steadfast joy engulfs me, and the significance of the things of this world quickly become dim. Their love is tangible. I am embracing as many children as I can at the same time. I am surrounded by overwhelming love.

These children I am embraced by are all barefoot on a street of absolute filth. None of them own a toothbrush or a pair of shoes. Most of them haven't eaten solid food or had a drink of clean water in days. They are homeless and don't understand what a "home" even means. Tonight, they will sleep together, huddled in the streets of the slums. Some of them are sick and have been sick since they were born. Every single one of them is an orphan. Some of them witnessed the death of their parents. Some of them were abandoned and discarded like garbage the day they were born. Some of them have debilitating disabilities. Some of them are deaf, blind, or mute. Some of them need the support of another just to limp down the street. They are exhausted because they beg for food all day long, every single day. In a situation that seems should be completely hopeless...they have un-containable joy.

I am completely in love with the children of Africa. Their joy is the most captivating thing I have ever experienced. Their undying hope is trusting that god will provide for them. Their absolute belief that he loves and cares for them makes my faith pale in comparison.

Walking down the street with these children is the closest thing to heaven I have experienced. God’s redeeming, unfailing love for the least of these is the most powerful blessing he can allow us to walk in.  God picked each of them out and chose them because he loves them ("You didn't choose me. I chose you," -John 15:16). Sometimes people ask me why I chose Africa for missionary work. I tell them I didn't choose Africa that Africa chose me. Africa doesn't need me, I need Africa. These beautiful children don't need me, I need them.

In the book of Judges, Chapter 6, a man named Gideon is called on by the Lord to step out in faith and fulfill a mission.  Gideon isn't so sure, he asks God if he has the right person, and Gideon questions God that he (Gideon) is actually qualified to complete the mission to victory. "The Lord said to him, 'Go in the strength you have...am I not sending you?'" I hate to break it to Gideon, but he probably was highly unqualified to complete God's mission. We are limited, but God is limitless. "His strength is perfected in our weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9). Gideon didn't want to accept God's call at first because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to do it. God tells Gideon in Judges 6:16, "But I WILL BE WITH YOU." When God looks upon us, he does not see a worthless thing.

I wonder how much more responsive to God's call(s) we would be if we believed God was really with us.  That He had His strong hand upon our backs and was really going out before us and following behind us with His army of angels? Would we fear the future, or be confident? Would we be like Behemoth, and calmly lie among the reeds of the riverbanks of the Jordan and remain, "Unafraid, though the river rages and surges up to his mouth." (Job 41:23). Christ sees beyond barriers to a broken life. These children’s sweetness and devotion comes from someone seeing beyond their wounds to their wonderful hearts.

When I think of Kenya, I do not feel overwhelmed by poverty or brokenness. I continually see God moving and rescuing the lost ones each moment.  God's goodness has no beginning and no end. It walks hand in hand with his justice, mercy, and love.  He planned every moment of these children's lives before they took their first breaths. "Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your Book and planned before a single one of them began." -Psalm 139:16

God Word tells us that He greatly treasures a gentle and quiet spirit. He cherishes the moments our "trust is without borders".  Even among total depravity, when it seems all our hope should be lost, we can be like these children and choose to trust in the character of God even when circumstances tell us we shouldn't. This is what fuels my love for Africa. I love that standing among these children; I know that I am the one who is the least of these.

♥ In His Love,

Mad

"Deep in your heart you know that not even one of the good promises the Lord has made to you has failed.   Every single one of them has come true." -Joshua 21:45